Why you shouldn't be afraid to cough during class
+ why overthinking isn't THAT bad
One evening…
This was a conversation between me and… let’s call them “Eleven”. And before anyone asks, no I am not a Stranger Things fan, that name just holds a different, but significant meaning. Point being, I sent Eleven an excerpt from my blog post, originally scheduled for Wednesday, but then university happened. This delay made me rethink my decision about putting certain content because I thought that I’d appear as vulnerable. SO, I wrote a completely different blog post, which sounded more like an essay than anything else. But it’s my choice now, as Eleven said, and I choose to step out of my comfortable life and put myself out there. So here is what I sent Eleven (the crossed-out text):
Sitting in a school cafeteria by yourself is somewhat sad. As I occasionally munch on a 6-inch subway, many people pass by me and I try and avoid eye contact, afraid that I may know them. Growing up, I was expected to be a people pleaser and unfortunately that quality has passed on through out my late teen years as well. Regardless of my countless attempts to overcome the need to please people, I never do and it just happens to tear me apart little by little. I start to overthink…
“what would other people think about… [some useless issue]”
As I type this — undoubtedly cautious of how I eat my subway — I realized that I care a lot about what people think and it increases when I’m by myself. I don’t want to be judged in a negative way, and I don’t know why I fear being judged in the first place. I guess I think that if I am perfect, people will like me more and as a result I will not be lonely. Ironically, I’m behaving fairly perfect right now but I’m still sitting alone. I’m also supposed to go to a class in about 10 minutes but I am resistance because I don’t want to surround myself with people younger than me. People who think like this miss many opportunities, and even though they know that no one truly cares, the “what if” situations are mind boggling.
People pleasers are versions of over thinkers.
Live for Yourself, NOT Others
Overthinking is a practice that I have followed unknowingly since elementary school, and I used to think that overthinking was a good thing. I considered it a power since overthinking about situations would prepare me for any unfortunate outcome so that I wouldn’t get “disappointed”. Under some circumstances, overthinking the consequences of an action or event may be good, especially under life-threatening events. However, I would use overthinking to predict the worst outcome for projects or exams. For instance, I’d put less effort into my assignments and expect a lower result, and if I did get a lower result, I would be okay with it. This is a form of self-sabotage, and it’s harmful because sometimes, this version of overthinking can become a habit and hence hard to improve.
Similarly, overthinking as a tool to strive for perfection is the worst. People pleasing is often an incentive towards personal perfection, and we all have heard that “nobody is perfect”. Then why do we do it regardless? Why do we prioritize perfection? I believe that there is an underlying fear of “what if I don’t fit in” or “what would people think” that gets the best of us. We miss opportunities, that we would have taken in a world where we didn’t self-sabotage. Especially by putting unnecessary fears into our heads — with the fear of being judged in a negative way being detrimental. But once you push past the need for perfection and feel the discomfort, you will begin to understand that people don’t give an F about you. Humans are semi-selfish creatures, all they care about is Me, Myself, and I. So please, don’t be afraid to cough during class, or don’t be too bothered if your classmates have better coding experiences than you (I have been in both situations). If we let the fear of being judged get the best of us, then we won’t ever be living for ourselves, but rather we’d be living for others. We are unconsciously getting controlled by other people, even if we think we are in control cause it was our decision not to cough.
TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE!